I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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