Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
