I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize