I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
