I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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