You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
