He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
