Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize