he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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