I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
