Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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