What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
