I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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