she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
