No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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