doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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