you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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