No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
