OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize