i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
