That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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