the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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