I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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