I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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