my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
