Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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