I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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