Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
