I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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