I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
