I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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