So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
