What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
