I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
