Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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