We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
