My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
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She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
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I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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