Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
