Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Randomize
