We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
