Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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