After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
