She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
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Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
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Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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