I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
