it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
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You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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