Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
