Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
