Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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