opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize