you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize