Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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