life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
