I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
