i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
40s are totally the cure
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I need water and some morals
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
