I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
