Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
