but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
