I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
