Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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